The Safe Height

My whole life I have always been one of the shortest people I know. Be it at work or at play, amongst friends or amongst strangers, my height left much to be desired.

But up until I started taking a less passive interest in girls, it was actually something I was very proud of. Because being short and lean meant that I was quick, could fit into tight spaces, and appeared meek and fragile. All of which came in handy for indoor and outdoor games, as well as escaping the punishment that often followed many of them.

However once I did start to take an interest in the opposite sex, it became a major disadvantage. I wasn’t tall enough to begin with, and then they go and wear multi-inch heels. Still while I wanted to be taller, I wasn’t ready to put in the necessary work. For one thing, I hated drinking milk ( still do ) and for another, the whole idea of working hard to be taller when others were attaining height free of charge just didn’t sit well with me.

So I hoped and I prayed and I watched and I waited until it finally became apparent that it just wasn’t my fate to reach the 6 foot zenith. It was only then that I began to seek what I call the safe height.

Now, the safe height is the magic height at which most women in your social sphere would be ready to consider dating you without any extra work. Once you attain this height, it is safe to say that you don’t have to be that funny, or that handsome, or that entertaining to be considered romantically. You can just be you.

I soon discovered that in my social sphere, that height was 5 foot 5 and my prayers became more defined. “Dear Lord, please make me taller. If I can’t be 6 feet, at least make me 5 foot 5.” For 5 foot 5 was the average height of the girls around me ( heels excluded ).

Well, the Lord in his infinite wisdom and grace, chose to answer my prayers. And as you can imagine, I was all abliss with joy. I have no idea if I have grown since then because that day was the last time I was ever truly conscious of my height.

So to those who know not the plight of the short man, and to those who know it full well, I say:

Seek thee not the pleasures of the lofty heights, but be content with the heights around you. For it is neither in the highlands nor in the lowlands that ye shall find happiness, but in the average height of the ones you love. As for ye men who have since exceeded the safe height, I beseech thee – Keep thee a safe distance from me lest I bring you to your knees. If only, that we may see eye to eye.

He who has ears, let him hear.

 

Damola Mabogunje

Software Engineer by day, Blogger, Poet and Author, by night, I spend my days writing everything from the convex comma, to highly complex code.

2 thoughts on “The Safe Height

  1. Hahaha, so it turns out that despite repeated memo’s to read the red string, my mental laziness won through. I did finally get round to reading the 10th knot and have to say that I too once prayed for a “safe height”… Only that mine was a touch more ambitious than 5’5”. Chidi’s wee note at the end.. class! Keep up the good work!

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