Much Ado About Nothing

Hey folks,

This is the video I meant to write about last week, but I didn’t have time to then. Since you might want to watch it again before we dive in, I have included it below:

You see, among the many idiosyncrasies that distinguish men from women, the male desire to think about nothing, is one bound to irritate during a relationship – and it is amazing to me how much drama it causes.

I remember once voicing this desire to a girl I was dating, and being completely taken aback by the reaction I received. She had called me late at night while I was in my de-stress mode… just zoning out to some stand-up comedy and having a good time – and I really just wanted to stay in that zone. So I didn’t pick up. I let the phone ring off the hook.

Little did I know that she was actually having an emergency: emotional crisis type stuff, and so the next time we were talking and she was telling me how she had tried to call, I said something like: “Yeah, I saw the call, but I really didn’t want to talk to you…”

foot-in-mouth-award
Boy was that the wrongest response!

All sorts of trouble soon ensued:

First, was the fact that she was actually having an emergency. I truly felt bad about that. Then came the: “How could I claim to love her, and not want to talk to her!?” and it is at this point that things went awry.

How could I claim to love her, and not want to talk to her!?

I believe the video above explains this best. You see, for us guys, talking is not an emotional need. It is merely a means to an end. We communicate to deliver information. That’s it. Period. Et Finito.

In fact, the more things we have to think/feel, the less we want to communicate! So at the time as you can imagine, I was quite befuddled by her question. I thought, “What the hell does not wanting to talk to you have to do with how I feel about you!?” Which, ironically, is quite the opposite of what she thought. Because for women everything is connected by emotions.

Of course, in that instance, she had other reasons to be upset. So perhaps it is not the best example. Nonetheless, there are many times like this when a man’s desire for nothing leads to conflict. Like when we’re watching “the game,” playing “the game,” or channel surfing for “a game.”

Sound familiar?

Yet understandably, this is where women’s intuition inevitably kicks in. Because at no point in time is a man more emotionally dead than when he’s in this zone. Not only is he not thinking about you, he actually doesn’t want to think about you… which is anathema to a woman’s idea of love… and that’s why she almost always butts in right when your mind is looking to switch off.

Still, everything goes 2 ways right? Because just as it is impossible for a man to do without brain-dead activities, it is also impossible for a woman to be comfortable with the idea of one thinking about nothing. Because “nothing,” => “without anything,” => “without her.”

Which brings me to one solution I have actually observed (shout out to Mom and Dad :D). Because those brain dead moments, are the perfect time for brain dead expressions of love! These are the times to do those things that do not require his full-attention. Things like cuddling and holding each other close.

See his eyes? Bet you there’s a TV over there.

Because your man does love you, he just needs not to think about you sometimes… So as new relationships begin thanks to Valentine’s day, don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t fret about nothing… because it actually is just that. Nothing.

As for the picking up phone calls thing, I don’t know what to tell you. Love is patient, love is kind, so always… always, try to keep that in mind.

Love is patient, love is kind…

1 Corinthians 13:4

Damola Mabogunje

Software Engineer by day, Blogger, Poet and Author, by night, I spend my days writing everything from the convex comma, to highly complex code.

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