#1: LET IT SNOW

August 15

Moved to a new home in Jersey. It’s so beautiful here. The lake to the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I’m going to love it here.

October 14

Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I love it here.

November 10

Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal, hope it will snow soon. I love it here. Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent multicoloured carpet. How beautiful. Raking and cleaning up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November 15

Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November 18

Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it’s best to wait until they’ve all fallen before I rake again.

November 25

Finally, all the trees lost their leaves and [with] today’s final raking it’s over for this season. Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

November 30

What the ??? Where did all those leaves come from? A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again. Oh well, they will just have to wait until spring.

December 12

It snowed last night, finally. Woke up to find everything blanketed in White. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shovelled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by we had to shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Jersey.

December 14

More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the driveway again. I love it here.

December 19

More snow again last night. Can’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I’m exhausted from shovelling. ******* snowplow.

December 22

More of that White sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren’t bad enough, now I’ve got blisters all over my hands from shovelling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I’m finished shovelling the driveway. The a–hole.

December 25

Merry Christmas. More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that SOB who drives the snowplow, i swear I’ll kill the ******. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the ******* ice.

December 27

More White sh*t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shovelling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time. ******* gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration is probably only temporary. Can’t go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of White sh*t. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the sh-t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28

The ******* weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that White sh*t. At this rate, it won’t melt till summer. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I’d already broken six of them shovelling all the sh*t he pushed into the driveway, I broke the last one on his ******* head.

January 4

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a damn deer that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage. ******* beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3

Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the ******* salt they put on the roads

May 10

Moved to The Villages in Florida. I cant imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of New Jersey.

Christine

Christine is a software analyst at Merrill Lynch who writes prolifically in her spare time.

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