This Persistent Need

Before I start, it might be best to say that The Red String doesn’t usually post scandalous articles like this one; {Oh yes we do!} It was quite hard for me to stick to the norm, and I’m quite honoured that Damola would even entertain the thought of having a female writer feature on his blog. {My pleasure} I won’t bore you anymore with formalities… {Thank the heavens} I’ll [just] get straight to the point.

I’ve got this persistent need – the need to be loved. Why is it that no matter how successful we are as women we can never be truly happy unless we have a man? Don’t deny it. You know it’s true. We all claim to be strong and independent but when we’re alone in our beds at night we yearn for a partner to keep us warm. We all have those silly imaginations… You know the ones I’m talking about.

Think about your fantasies as you read this. What do you imagine as you shut your eyes to sleep at night? When I’m not thinking about schoolwork and different sorts of applications (yes I’m quite the nerd), I like to imagine him – my dream man. I constantly struggle with the perfect image for him so I like to think of him as the Silver Surfer from Fantastic Four. It’s weird I know, but I hate having such thoughts about guys I already know – it creates a weird vibe when I’m actually with them in person – and how is it possible to imagine a man that I’ve never seen before?

By all definitions, I am a successful student. I study hard and pass all my exams and I participate in way too many co-curricular activities. By society’s new found definition of the “independent woman” I shouldn’t want or need a man to make me happy. When people ask me if there is any guy in my life I laugh and tell them that there’s no space or time in my life for one – and as I utter these lies I force myself to believe them; Boys are a distraction. Boys are liars and can only cheat on me. Boys my age are too dumb to give me what I really want anyway. Boys only want one thing.

I have a reputation now. I’m the girl that always gives great relationship advice yet has never had a real relationship of her own. Yes, I’ve been single for eighteen years and I can’t help but wonder about all the things I’m missing out on. No matter how hard I try to repress these thoughts from fighting their way out of my subconscious, they keep resurfacing. When I’m on the couch watching a movie I think, if I had a boyfriend we’d be snuggled on the couch together and he’d be playing with my hair as we watch this and he’d laugh at the parts I find funny… When I’m at a boring social gathering I think, if I had a boyfriend he’d put his arm around my waist and whisper in my ear asking me if I wanted to go home [and] do something naughty instead.

I’m sick and tired of having these imaginations that always amount to nothing. So ladies, it’s time for us to ask ourselves the big question… Do we want boyfriends or not? If the answer is truly no, then why do we feel the persistent need to have one? I read somewhere that in Greek mythology man actually had four two pairs of limbs and two faces; but we were being annoying as usual, so one of the gods split us in half, and now were conditioned to search for our other halves until we find them. Sometimes I think about how with all the planes and trains and moving about that individuals do these days finding our other halves might be a very odious task. We might have to make do with someone else’s other half.

Do you know that one of our top ten fears as humans is the fear of being alone? Ironically, the fear of being rejected is also featured on that top ten list. Don’t let this new generation fool you – people that keep on saying how we should all be happy independent women are lying to themselves and to you. Take Beyonce as an example, a lot of her songs emphasise on how we don’t need men and yet she is married to Jay-Z.

Truth is, none of us want to be alone – we can’t be alone – and the thought of being alone freaks us out. Even though we might not all like to admit it. We may hate boys but we emotionally and physically need them.

I blame this persistent need on biology.


Ekene is an I.T undergrad at Drexel University who writes short stories in her spare time

5 thoughts on “This Persistent Need

  1. You’re right. I’m proud of you for realizing the fallacy of this generation’s definition of independence and the hypocritical loneliness that masks itself in feminism these days. The truth is that misery loves company and so the lies are self-perpetuating.
    I want to tell you to put God first, chase your dreams and know that there is someone out there for you, that you will find eventually. Be patient in your quest and until you’re led to the right person, live life without regret. Know that love is and will be difficult, but is worth it.

  2. Ekene’s piece is so true. Unfortunately one can be married and equally have this persistent need. I believe this is the way the good Lord wired us all. The need to be loved and give love.

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