Since my last twist back in August of last year (where I became aware of my inflated ego), I have been taking steps to adjust my sense of self and reign in the more damaging consequences of this character trait. The results so far have been most interesting, and have given me a newfound respect for the nursery rhyme: I'm a Little Teapot:
You see, for the longest time, I have always despised my anger. In as much as I have never been one quick to anger, when I have gotten angry it has been a sudden and powerful emotion so strong that I could hardly bear it.
On principle alone, it was an emotion to be suppressed: So prone was it to make people do and say things they would later regret, that I had decided that it was not an emotion to ever lend an ear to. Thus, whenever I have gotten angry or upset, I have just suppressed that anger, and let it diffuse over time.
But that is not to say that I did not appreciate the benefits of appearing angry. So if you know me, you might think that you have seen Damola when he's mad. But you probably haven't. While the few who have seen me truly angry, probably know what I mean when I say "I'm a little teapot".
Because when I get angry, my insides vibrate... and when I'm really angry, my whole body vibrates to the point that it's visibly perceptible - like a teapot on the verge of boiling over. But usually in these cases, I can never quite place what is at the root of such anger. Yes, someone said or did something I didn't like. Yes, it was something I felt justified being angry about. But this angry!? NO... No, I didn't think so.
But this angry!? NO... No, I didn't think so.
It was in trying to adjust my inflated ego, that I started to question that anger. Where was it coming from, and why did I get so mad? That was when I found this definition of anger. It says in short, that:
Anger is a natural response to a perceived threat; whether real or imagined; whether to yourself, or your sense of self; anger can arise out of what you think will happen... and whether or not that scenario actually plays out, doesn't matter to the emotion. It, that is your anger, will be as real as day.
Which brings us back to the big ego born of self-criticism:- If you think less of yourself, and are sometimes afraid that you are under-achieving, then whether or not you actually are, it is very likely that you will imagine it given the right triggers.
Maybe you're worried you're fat, and someone (out of curiousity) asks why you're eating a donut... Next thing you know you're going off on them about "What's wrong with eating donuts!?
Or maybe like me, you weren't worried about anything, and then someone challenged your sense of self... and even though you knew it was an innocent challenge, perhaps even just a perceived challenge, you found yourself visibly shaking in anger.
This is what I mean when I say I'm a little teapot: Cool and calm on the surface, but given the right kind, and amount of heat, you will see me shaking and about ready to boil over. Now that's when you need to grab my handle and pour me out.
Now that's when you need grab my handle and pour me out.