Models by Mark Manson

The book Models by Mark Manson is self-explanatory once you hear/read the subtitle. Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. I picked up this book on a bit of a whim. I hadn't dated anyone in quite a long time, and when I saw the title, I wondered "Hmm, what kind of advice is out there for men?"

Apparently (according to the author), there is a shit ton of advice out there for men, and most of it is bad. According to him, instead of focusing on tips and tricks to bed women (like a lot of men's dating advice books do), it is better to focus on what he calls, the three fundamentals:

1. Honest Living
2. Honest Action, and
3. Honest Communication

These three fundamentals when put together will result in an honest expression of self which will attract to you the kind of women you want, in the kind of places you want. This doesn't mean that there are no tips & tricks that one could use for short-term gains, but that if you want a more long-term solution to your ability and capability to attract women, these are the things you should focus on. So, what do they mean?

Honest Living

At its most basic, honest living means living a lifestyle that reflects who you are, in a way that expresses your best self. This may mean anything from making major changes such as finding a job you love, to simply improving your fashion sense and changing the way you dress.

The author actually makes a point of saying that Fashion & Fitness are two of the quickest ways to improve your success rate in your encounters with the opposite sex. This really struck me because those are two areas I have never been conscious of. I don't work out... and I wear whatever I feel like. So clearly, there is room for improvement.

But asides from that, there is advice on taking up a social hobby, going to the type of events where you can meet women who share your interests, developing your confidence, learning to be open/vulnerable, and generally enriching your life in a way that makes you a better person (and therefore a more attractive person)

Honest Action

Building on the theme of honest self-expression, honest action is really about making the moves you want to make. It's about overcoming your fears and anxieties to talk to that girl you really want to talk to. To go for the kiss at that moment when it occurs to you. And to take things to the next level if and when you feel like it.

In order to become the kind of person who can do this though, you first need to deal with your inner self-talk. Are you the kind of person, who, when the opportunity presents itself to chat up a new babe finds himself making excuses like "the timing's not right" or "She looks busy right now, I'll introduce myself later" and other such lame reasons to not talk to the girl?

Do you have broad generalizations like "the girls in my area are all just stuck up" amongst your beliefs? Have you considered that maybe the problem isn't the girls or the timing or your mood?  Maybe it's simply fear? Because you're afraid of something (like rejection), you convince yourself that not making the move is what you really wanted to do anyway.

The book discusses these inner resistances and how to recognise and counter them when they come up. Even if it's not fear per see that holds you back, but anxiety. Worrying over what to say or how to act. These concerns are little more than stepping stones to becoming fluent in your approach to becoming conversational with women. You must learn to act despite the nerves, and you will find that it gets easier with practice. The nerves may never go away, but the courage to act despite them will get stronger.

Honest Communication

Now, this is a big one. Because communication is 100% of what you're actually doing when you're getting to know someone. How do you approach a lady, and strike up a conversation? How do you flirt? What about getting physical? These topics and more, are discussed in detail in the last section of the book.

One of the big takeaways I had, was the difference between how men and women communicate. Men focus on facts, stories, and data. While Women focus on feelings and intentions. This is why, at least to me, women's stories are 100x more interesting than men's stories. Women give you all the emotional background in their stories. Not just what happened. I have known this for years but had never seen it spelt out so clearly.

Another big takeaway was the place of physicality in communication. If you never establish physical contact during your conversations (like me), then it will always be difficult to move from just talking to cuddling and touching and more intimate forms of physical communication. For the longest time, I used to be averse to hugs and cuddles because they made me feel a little bit insecure. It was only in my 20s that I began to appreciate them (Mostly because at that point almost every greeting came with a hug). But hugs are just the tip of the iceberg. Holding hands and feeling each other and sex fall under communication.

When you consider that everything from your body language to your sexual prowess, are forms of communicating with a lady, it's easy to appreciate how big a part honest communication plays in relationships. Here again, the author also talks about vulnerability and how open one is willing to be before, during, and after sex.

Conclusion

There's a lot more information and advice in the book for you if you are interested, but for now, I wouldn't be doing the book justice if I didn't mention "Non-neediness." The book introduces this topic very early on in its pages and revisits it continually throughout its text. The idea is this: As a man, you should be more invested in and comfortable with yourself than in anybody else's opinion of you. If you are such a man, then everything from your body language to your speech, confidence, and openness, will speak for you. A Non-needy man is a man who places a higher priority on his perception of himself than on others' perception of him.

The less needy a man is, the more attractive he is to the opposite sex. Everything the book discusses, from honest living to honest communication, keys in to this idea of being "non-needy." So if you're interested in starting your journey to become a less needy man, grab a copy of Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.